Tony and Quan's Page

Pepper visited me again!

posted by Quan on Friday 2009 Feb 27 at 10:35

Pepper, Mommy dreamed about you again, you came to visit us and played with Snickers. I held you on the floor and buried my face into your fur, you were so warm and soft, and smelled sweet. You let me hold you for a very long time. You are so full of live in my dream. Maybe you are alive somewhere somehow, maybe you are around me, around us all the time. I love you,Pepper!

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One Year

posted by Quan on Thursday 2008 Nov 13 at 08:51

It has been a year since I lost you! Pepper, are you still around us or you are actually inside of me so that you can be my baby again? Do you remember we were lying down on the grass together with Daddy when you were little, and Milky was around us as well? That was nice, right?

Mommy misses you so much!

我想你

posted by Quan on Thursday 2008 Feb 28 at 10:48

无论世界怎么转变，你还是我的最爱。我还是很想你，每一次开车经过那里，我的心还是会很痛。好几次夜里醒来，我会寻找你的身影。然后试着想象你就在我的心里。你在哪里？回来看看我好吗？

死亡的感觉

posted by Quan on Wednesday 2008 Jan 16 at 07:14

整个世界都与我分离了，即使是空气也是与外界隔绝的。外面的空气里有着死亡的味道。一切都好安静，只有Pepper还活在我的世界里。我的大脑告诉我，这是他的尸体，我的心却告诉我，他还活着。我多么希望我可以封闭我的世界，这样子，他就还是好好的活着。外面的世界好冷酷，我们可不可以一起躲起来。这样我就还可以把你抱在我的怀里。

挪威的森林

posted by Quan on Friday 2008 Jan 11 at 07:08

高中时，读到村上春树的“挪威的森林”。我一直无法明白为什么在主人公如此细心的呵护和关爱下，直子始终走不出木月自杀的哀伤和阴影，而最终也走上了和木月同样的路。

可是当我抚摸着Pepper已经冰冷而僵硬的身体，我终于是明白了。当所爱的人彻底的从人世间消失，那种伤痛是永远也无法走出的。直子活着的时候其实心已经死了，就算远离尘世，逃离到挪威的森林里，也无法逃离伤痛。唯一的方法只能是去找木月。

死其实就在生的对立面，而且永远肩并肩。我还活着，但是有一部分已经死了。

Sometimes Perfection Shines On Us

posted by Tony on Friday 2007 Dec 21 at 16:28

Sometimes perfection is right in front of your eyes. This past summer was one of these times. So much to do and always so busy. Too busy for our own good. It was easy not to see how wondeful it was, even though, in the back of my mind I knew it was.

Push the pedal down, watch the world around, fly by us...

Our first summer in the new house was one of those moments in life. Especially when Milky and Pepper joined us. It was as if some kind of destiny smiled upon us. But I don't think we ever really knew how wonderful it was, until it was taken away from us. Perhaps a summer of such perfection can only end in the cruelty of autumn.

Pepper, I will never forget our days with you! I will always remember those warm summer weekends, when we could both be outside all day. When you would be so tired before dinner time that you could fall asleep under the radio. I wish we could share a lifetime of days like that. We miss you buddy!

How much?

posted by Quan on Monday 2007 Dec 17 at 09:07

How much I love you?
How much I love you?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Do you know?
How much I love you?
How much I love you?
Can you feel it now?
Can you feel it now?
Can you feel it now?

How much you love me?
How much you love me?
I do know.
I do know.
I do know.
How much you love me?
How much you love me?
I used to feel it all the time.
I can still feel it now,
but I am afraid that I will lose it one day?

Call your name ...

posted by Quan on Monday 2007 Dec 17 at 05:07

Yesterday, I called your name again when I talked to Snickers. He looks like you so much, but you are the prettiest still and forever in my heart. I can cry in any second, and there is a song I can never listen before I go to work, because that is the song for you, my baby boy.

如果可以，请再多给我一点时间。让我可以再抱抱你，我的宝贝。

This Christmas sucks!

posted by Quan on Monday 2007 Dec 10 at 09:28

This Christmas sucks, because you are not here anymore! And every Christmas will be suck, because you have never had any Christmas in your life. You are my poor sprint cat, has no chance to see the snow, you left right before the winter. My poor Pepper, where are you right now? I am trying so hard to cheer up, but my heart is dead, how can I feel anything again anymore?

We Miss You, Pepper!!!

posted by Tony on Saturday 2007 Dec 08 at 02:27

Kindest Soul

posted by Quan on Tuesday 2007 Dec 04 at 08:04

I have four cats, three are still with us, and one is in the heaven. Life was so ordinary for me until I have them. They show me what heaven will be and how life can be so sweet. They never ask too much, as long as they are with us and have food, but they have been given us so much - love, fun, and forgiveness. They have the kindest soul, and teach me to be a nicer person everyday. I love you all, Milky, Pepper, Cocoa, and Snickers.

I know you are with us always!

posted by Quan on Tuesday 2007 Nov 27 at 02:36

Last night, I dreamed about you. When I saw you laid on your rocking chair, I then called "Pepper" and you ran to my bed. I picked you up and you were still as heavy as before, I hugged you so tight, and I kissed kissed kissed you so so so many times. I tried to wake up Tony, eventually Tony was waken up by me in the dream. However, he could not see you. I passed you to his arms, and told him that "feel you weight". He felt it and he felt so happy that he could held you again.

I hold you in my arms again, suddenly your color turned darker and darker, and then you just fade away. I put your spirit into a papper bag and locked it in the saver (in my dream there was a saver in our house). I told myself that this way, when I open the saver every night, I will see you again.

Pepper, thanks to visit me last night and please stay with us as long as you could!

Mommy and Daddy love you so much!

The first snow for the winter of 2007. Pepper ... Can you see it?

posted by Quan on Tuesday 2007 Nov 20 at 02:34

It is snowing now. Pepper ... can you see it? I know you would love it, and you would definitely leave beatiful footprints on the snow. Your footprints would be right next to my footprints, yours would look like flower petals, and they would be the perfect decoration of mine. We can running around on the snow, I would chase you, once I catch you, I would pick you up and kiss you over and over.

I want to build a snow cave, trap you inside so that you wouldl never leave me again!

Have you been here?

posted by Quan on Friday 2007 Nov 16 at 02:29

Have you been to this world? How come I am not so sure sometimes. You look so good in your photos which make them look like postcards to me. Sometimes I wonder if you are just my imagination. I wish you were, I really do... Then there would not have death and pain, tears and heartbreak.

I keep imagining how you got hit, how you felt at the moment, how you heart crashed and how blood filled up the inside of your body. I also keep imagining what it would be different if I was there for you. I wish I wish I wish I was there for you, then you would be here with me still. I wish I wish I wish I was there to protect you, so that I would not need to miss you so much right now and in every moment because you would be with me, and I wish you would be with me for a very very long time. But... I know this would not come true, because you got hit by a car when you crossed that busy street, because your ash is inside of the oak box and sitting in my closet.

All I can do now is to kiss the oak box everyday, this is all I can do for you since the day you died.

Pepper - 11/14/07

posted by Quan on Wednesday 2007 Nov 14 at 07:31

Quan, Pepper is gone...

How do you know?

I found him, he got hit by a car, he is dead...

Where is he now?

He is on the porch.

*****************************

I wish I wasn't Quan.